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Exterminate 5 – Google Search Queries That Prove Mankind Is beyond Salvation

by Chris Fielden on May 31, 2013

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Google: the brand name might sound familiar. For anyone who has spent the last decade shipwrecked or in a coma, Google is an innovative internet search tool that enables the populace of the planet easy access to documentation on all conceivable subject matters.

Google is the Aston Martin DB5 of search engines. It should be cherished, respected and driven carefully. Sadly, Google is a DB5 that’s owned by everyone on Earth. Everyone gets to drive it. As fast as they like. For free.

When certain individuals (AKA most people) don’t have to deal with the insurance claim resulting from driving a DB5 a tad too quickly into a tight bend, certain individuals might be tempted to exceed the speed limit, just to see what will happen.

This is the mentality I’ve chosen to study with the Exterminate blog series.

The History of the Exterminate Investigations to Date

My interest in the strange suggestions search engines will return when they attempt to predict what you might be searching for started when I was presented with these Google search queries:

Allow your eyes to digest the fourth result.

Sweet Jesus.

The situation becomes worse when we remind ourselves that these predictions are based on the most popular search queries related to the words you are typing; the search results other people have searched for the most.

The Orangutan Prostitute query was impossible to ignore. It’s why I felt compelled to start my Exterminate investigations. While this particular query turned out to be people searching for a spoof video, I discovered many other disturbing search habits that were not spoofs. You can study the history of my research to date in 4 previous posts:

  1. Exterminate 1
  2. Exterminate 2
  3. Exterminate 3
  4. Exterminate 4

Like Die Hard 5: A Good Day to Die Hard, I didn’t think Exterminate 5 would be necessary. Unlike, Die Hard 5: A Good Day to Die Hard, it turns out I was wrong.

The Questions Humans Expect Google to Answer

Exterminate 4 looked at statements people place into Google. Statements like:

Like an aging rock band, Exterminate 5 returns to its roots. It looks at questions. Questions people ask of Google when researching things that interest them. Things that impact their lives. I have picked two questions in this instance:

  1. Why am I…?
  2. Why do I…?

I have then followed those questions with each letter of the alphabet. Below are the results I was presented with.

Why am I?

Why do I?

Summary

It’s not often I find myself lost for words. What is there to say? One word springs to mind:

EXTERMINATE!

Image Source: Tom Margie on Flickr

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About the Author

Chris is Operations Director at Strategy Digital Towers and oversees many of our client’s creative projects. He has had humorous short stories published through various competitions and magazines both on and offline, hence some of his blog posts are of a fictional nature.

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