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Exterminate! Funny Google Searches Prove Why the Dalek’s Ethos Is Right

by Chris Fielden on July 27, 2012

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I believe the Daleks developed Google as part of an intergalactic experiment to prove to the rest of the technologically advanced species of the known macrocosm that they have a point.

When they shout, “Exterminate!” in our general direction, they do so for good reason.

This might sound like the talk of a man who is ten tubs of mental. Not so. I am sane (ish). I have proof.

Who Is Dr Who

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Dr Who, it is a massively popular UK TV series about Time Lords and aliens (yep, from that terse synopsis you can see why people love it).

The Daleks are an evil race of robot aliens who want to kill everything, their favourite word is “Exterminate” and Davros is their leader. I believe Matt Cutts is actually a reincarnation of Davros. By the time you read to the end of this post, you will too.

Google versus People

Google is constantly refining its algorithms and search functionality to give a better user experience and help people find the information they require. The problem is, any search engine, no matter how sophisticated, is faced with one common problem:

The end user.

AKA, people.

People search for things. Some things you might expect, like researching stuff they want to buy, eat or argue about. But there are subject matters members of the human race conduct Google searches for on a daily basis that defy comprehension.

For example, searching for “Why does my ear stretcher smell?” takes you to a page with this on it:

The person responsible for asking this question belongs to the same race as you and me. This upsets me. It also made me think. I decided a simple experiment was required.

The Experiment

Google tries to predict what it is you are searching for as you type. It bases its prediction of what you might be searching for based on what other people had searched for; what they have searched for the most.

I took a simple opening to a question: “Why Does My…?”, followed by each of with the twenty-six letters of the alphabet. Below are the Google search results for these search queries.

Once you have witnessed the truth I suspect you, like me, will see where the Daleks are coming from. They have a point. The only way to eradicate the idiocy of man is to exterminate us completely.

Davros Matt Cutts is right. Google proves it.

Exterminate!

Exterminate us all!

Why does my…?


























Conclusion

There are many funny Google search suggestions, but we humans are the ones that come up with the queries which generate them.

Most of the questions you see above can be dealt with using just two answers:

  1. Because you don’t bathe often enough.
  2. Because you’re a tw*t.

*insert an “i” or an “a” depending on how easily offended you are.

I rest my case.

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About the Author

Chris is Operations Director at Strategy Digital Towers and oversees many of our client’s creative projects. He has had humorous short stories published through various competitions and magazines both on and offline, hence some of his blog posts are of a fictional nature.

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